Thursday, October 31, 2013

Liies I Told Myself (Part 3)_My Job to Heal and Fix Broken People

Why trying to repair abusers didn't work
 

I was a sensitive child who felt other people’s pain easily. Even at four years of age, I felt sorry for my parents when they seemed emotionally out-of-control. Early in life, I accepted the assignment of trying to love my parents out of their pain which they expressed with alcoholism, sexual abuse, controlling behavior, yelling, emotional abuse, etc. Looking back it is so clear that I felt it was my job to heal and fix them. At seven years of age, I realized that God was the one who would be able to heal my parents, not me. But I still believed that if I was loved my parents enough (through my words and deeds) that I could be the important catalyst that would lead them to radically change their lives in healthy ways.
Photo by Michael Conners http://www.mconnors.com/

I took these same attitudes into my marriage as a teen/young adult. My spouse was someone else who had lots of pain inside and a brokenness that kept him from healthy decisions and behavior. His expressions of pain included addictive tendencies, paranoia, compulsivity, suicide threats,  difficulty keeping a job and abuse. The expressions of pain had different labels but the only difference for me was that as a spouse I heard a lot more stories and details about why my spouse was broken and hurting.

In the name of love (and being an un-invited therapist), I tried to carry the burdens that seemed too heavy for my loved ones to carry. I felt their pain as if it was my own. I listened to rage, to bitterness, to resentment, to anger, to depressed feelings, and to drunken perceptions with my whole heart. I committed myself to helping them to feel better and to carrying away as much of their pain as I could manage. I’d carry the pain hidden inside of me. I didn’t talk to anyone about it, not even God.  I also bore other people’s secrets they hadn’t ever told anyone else. I couldn’t take direct action on any of the secrets (because they weren’t my issues to solve), but I carried them locked away inside of me.

By ninth grade, I knew that I had natural counseling and teaching skills that are a part of my personality type. At the time, this knowledge merely strengthened my conviction that I must spend a life time carrying other people’s pain for them--so they’d have a fighting chance to decide to engage in the work and pain of radical change.
 

My self-assigned job of fixing broken people, came about because there was an obvious need and there wasn’t anyone else available to do the job. The job wasn't very rewarding. I was known as a nice person, but the broken people in my life remained broken. I learned the hard way that when someone isn’t looking for any help, when they are not dissatisfied with the way they are living, when they deny they have any issues hindering their happiness and health--they remain dysfunctional. As an adult, I finally know (intellectually, emotionally and spiritually) that no one makes radical healthy changes in their life when they aren’t the ones seeking a healthier life. It doesn’t matter how much anyone else is eager to help them.




Photo by LadyHeart achurch@hbci.com
Now that I am middle-aged, I can see clearly that the result of my faulty belief (of being a fixer of in-pain-broken people) was that I became a nice companion and handy trash can for more than a few abusive and psychologically unhealthy people. When they behaved inappropriately they received empathy and gentleness from me. When they behaved insanely I tried to comfort them. When they raged I apologized a lot and tried harder to make their lives less stressful. When others told me vivid details about crimes they’d committed, how much they hated another, or how resentful and suspicious they were, I tried to calm them and show that I accepted them 100% no matter what they did. I forgave by excusing. I listened by storing what wasn’t mine. I received other’s anger in quantities that stole my own energy and peace. I identified to others to the extreme point of losing track of my own emotions. I felt sorry for the other’s pain and completely ignored how I felt after spending time with them.

Today, I do things differently. I now avoid close relationship with anyone who demonstrates regularly through their actions that they are satisfied with their dysfunctional lifestyle. If I realize I am trying to fix or heal another, I detach (by remembering I can only change myself) and I turn them and their feelings into God’s loving and capable hands.  I now focus on doing my own emotional processing to keep myself healthy and realize that other people have the choice to do their own emotional processing.

All these changes in my own choices have come out of letting go of my own warped perceptions and embracing reliable truths. I still think abuse is tragic and the roots of what leads someone into being abusive are also sad. But I realize now that a sad or tragic or frightening past doesn’t make acting out to harm others right. In addition, I’ve proved to myself that no one else can fix a person who engages in self-abuse and/or other-abuse. Counselors can offer help to those who truly seek help, but all the power for change comes from within the broken person. No one else can create any lasting change inside of someone else.

Have you tried to fix or heal broken and/or abusive people? How did it work out?

Related Articles:
Healthy or Abusive?

Is This Good for You?

Generational Abuse

Tweetables:

I Thought I Could Help Fix Broken People Click to Tweet

Another Doormat Idea Click to Tweet

Don't be a Trash Can for Abusers Click to Tweet

Monday, October 21, 2013

Lies I Believed (Part 2)--Criticism Meant I Had Failed, Again

Lies I Believed (Part 2) Criticism Meant I Had Failed, Again /title>

When I was young, I desperately wanted to believe that if I did something well enough, then I wouldn’t be criticized or punished. I’m not sure anyone ever said this to me directly, but I hoped and believed it. I believed the corollary as well, if I was criticized, then obviously I must have done something wrong. For example, if I asked my parent a question and got yelled at, then I must try harder next time to word it “better” or to use a quieter voice, or something.

 

When I wanted something like a pair of shoes without holes, I was told (with words, tone or body language) that I was selfish. I would then vow to never notice holes in my shoes again. I became “un-selfish” by never verbalizing any needs. It seemed to protect me from some criticism, so I globalized it to almost all situations for many years.

 

This philosophy of having no needs seemed effective in many situations as a child. One situation in which it didn’t work was during long car trips. I would need to use a restroom for a long time but would ignore it, hoping that my parent would stop sometime soon without me having to say anything.  My need grew and I would eventually realize that I was about to have an accident and that would also anger my parents. Whether I spoke up about my need or remained silent about it, I wasn’t going to be praised--so in such dire cases I would eventually, voice my need. After being scolded or hearing an angry sigh or being angrily glared at for causing trouble, my parent would pull over at a rest stop and let me use the restroom. I didn’t feel good about voicing my real need, I felt guilty for causing my parent’s irritation.

Photo by Anita Peppers http://morguefile.com/creative/anitapeppers




 

When I was 19, I married an abusive spouse who also found all of my needs inconvenient. He was the one with needs and I was the one who must fulfill his needs. When my husband said that I made him feel like killing himself because I suggested he speak more gently to our children, I concluded that I was a mean person who drove people insane with unreasonable requests. It wasn’t clear to me how I was mean, I hadn’t meant to be unkind I was just trying to help my children, but on an emotional level I believed I must have messed up the communication in some way that I wasn't smart enough to figure out. I doubted myself more as the years went by and I spoke less and less from my heart. I attempted to avoid any subject which might be heard by my husband as a criticism. I had no wish to hurt my spouse, but I couldn’t seem to figure out the rules so I often didn’t speak my thoughts. Over the fourteen years of our marriage I globalized my thinking to most people. I became more and more isolated through my great hesitation to voice any needs, requests or thoughts.


Bottom line, I believed I should always please everyone and most especially those with whom I lived. I wanted to be a kind and gentle person, but on a frequent basis I seemed to be the cause of my parent's and spouse's anger, hurt or depression. I tried harder and harder to please—but I almost always failed to please them. II was driven to succeed—to be good enough, kind enough; bright enough; but my efforts didn’t work.

 

Having done a lot of healing, I no longer assume that all criticism is deserved. Now I know that if someone is deeply depressed, you can’t cheer them up by saying the right thing. When someone is angry about most things almost every day, you can’t please them with kind actions. When someone is controlling, you can’t do anything right enough to avoid his/her correction or criticism. When someone is sexually abusive, you won’t be praised for dressing modestly. When someone is bitter, you can’t be gentle enough to break through their warped perceptions. When someone gains emotional benefit from belittling others, you aren’t going to receive much praise. When someone habitually becomes intoxicated, you can’t say the perfect things to make them see that alcohol is hurting their relationships. No matter how careful you are with your words you can't avoid receiving unjust criticism from abusive people.

 

Abusive people criticize, belittle, and lash out. They judge, punish and threaten family members, regardless of how hard someone might try to love them, please them or help them. As I gained more and more distance from abusive people, I discovered that I don’t need to go crazy trying to be pleasing and right. Non-abusive people like me just the way I am. Like all humans, I make mistakes and don’t do everything right, but I no longer find it necessary to expend energy on trying to be pleasing through silence in order to avoid criticism and/or punishment. I no longer accept the toxic waste that abusers like to project onto others.

 

I now know that voicing needs isn’t selfish—it’s a human necessity. Asking for respectful behavior isn’t disrespectful—it’s an appropriate request.

 

Did you ever believe that you must have done something wrong whenever you were criticized or punished? Have you spent inordinate amounts of energy on trying to please someone?

 

Related Articles:
 I Lost Myself

Victim Blues

It's Not About You


Tweetables:  



This misconception made me a doormat Click to Tweet


An abuser's reaction is not a reliable mirror Click to Tweet


 

 


Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Lies I Believed (Part 1): Anger is always Bad

Is Anger Sinful?"<title/> <meta name="description" content="Learn about role of anger in abuse recovery."> <meta name="keywords" content="anger and abuse, healing from abuse, anger can be good, abuse recovery"> </head> How many of our subconscious beliefs line up with the Bible and how many are only half truths that have percolated through the manure of our abuse experiences? During the recovery process, I have discover angered I believed things that didn't really line up with the Bible. Abuse is not an honest teacher and yet, it is a strong teacher. It takes prayer and patience to overcome the old ideas. This is the first in a series of posts that will explore false beliefs that plagued me and others who have been abused.<br /> <br /> I didn't have a healthy view of anger. All anger was wrong because I associated anger with abuse. Angry people raped, tore others apart emotionally, told lies, said mean things, etc. I jumped from that belief to believing that a good Christian should never, ever get angry. I thought that's what turning the other cheek was all about.<br /> <br /> My ideas made sense to me. They fit my environment. They seemed logical. But they were lies that limited me and served abusers. I couldn't express anger. Abusers are very okay with that. I stuffed my anger and years later discovered that all of my other feelings had become hostages of the denial as well. <br /> <br /> When I began reading the Bible as a child, I was confused by the verses that showed that God gets angry--but, he is God of the universe so I trusted that his anger was always right and never abusive (truth) and that he was the only one who was capable of righteous anger (a lie).<br /> <br /> I noticed that humans in the Biblical accounts got angry too. And sometimes it seemed okay and sometimes it didn't seem okay at all (such as with Moses' anger in Exodus 32 versus his anger in Numbers 20:1-13). What was the difference? My original ideas slowly began to crumble. Maybe there were times and ways that people could be angry in a righteous manner--but it was easy, way too easy to lose control and sin in anger. My new belief accepted that anger isn't always sinful (true), but held firmly to the belief that humans almost always lose control of anger and harm others and themselves. So I reasoned that good Christians should always avoid outward expressions of anger (a lie) and should always confess any internal feelings of anger to God as sinful acts (a lie). Somewhere along the line, I'd read the Bible enough times to see that righteous anger involves being angry at the things that anger God. So feeling anger at Satan's deceitfulness is acceptable (truth).<br /> <br /> I also began recognizing more how angry I became with  myself whenever I fell into sin, or performed imperfectly or made stupid mistakes. I was frequently unkind to myself in my inner dialogue. God's spirit gently convicted methat much of my angry self-talk was self-abusive...a continuation of the negatives about myself that I absorbed from my abusers. I believed I was incompetent. I believed I was a failure because I was imperfect. I believed I wasn't worth protecting or taking care of. I believed I was never going to be good enough. (All these beliefs were opposite of God's messages to us in the Bible. He hates sin but he loves us. He doesn't expect perfection. He didn't make a huge mistake in creating me. He didn't want me to hate myself). <br /> <br /> During my young adult years, I continued to repress any anger toward others.  I thought I just didn't do anger. I didn't feel anger over the abuse--just disappointment and resignation. I didn't feel anger when my boundaries were violated, I felt tired instead. I didn't feel anger when someone was cruel to me, I felt worry for the other and self-doubt toward myself. I didn't identify or acknowledge my anger, but sometimes I acted angry anyway.<br /> <br /> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YvkjeC7FcMY/UksKOty_57I/AAAAAAAAAuw/QkfYJV6yzBI/s1600/file000453698099.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YvkjeC7FcMY/UksKOty_57I/AAAAAAAAAuw/QkfYJV6yzBI/s320/file000453698099.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo by Emanuele Cerroni <br /> <div class="location-and-url" style="line-height: 12pt; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"> <a href="http://t.co/SMO6JEipVK" target="_blank" title="http://about.me/emanuelecerroni"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><span style="color: #be6301;">about.me/emanuelecerroni </span></span></b></a></div> </td></tr> </tbody></table> In those same years, I discovered that I could, and did, become angry for the benefit of others. I felt angry when children were abused. I felt angry when I learned that a neighbor was being abused by her husband. I was fearless about banging on apartment doors or calling the police when I heard a man abusing his wife. I called the police without hesitation, when I witnessed a man attacking his girlfriend in a parking lot.<br /> <br /> <br /> <a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>It wasn't until I reached middle-aged that I was finally able to get in touch with the anger over abuse  done to me. I didn't like being treated that way. I didn't want anyone else to violate me again. I wasn't "okay with" any type of abuse.  Today, I don't choose to be in friendship with people who are comfortable abusing others. I choose nice people to be friends with. Today, I am more patient and understanding in my self-talk--even when I sin or make mistakes. Today, I can acknowledge my anger to myself and then give myself respect as I decide how I want to express or not express my anger to others. Anger is now one of many feelings I experience. Anger isn't bad; it's a signal that invites me to take note of myself, another person's behavior, and my boundaries. <br /> <br /> <a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span><br /> <br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Related posts</span>:<br /> <br /> <a href="http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/09/anger.html">Anger</a><br /> <br />  <a href="http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/10/who-are-you-blaming.html">Who are You Blaming</a><br /> <br /> <a href="http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/04/anger.html">Anger?</a><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><br /> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Tweetables</span>:<br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Lies an Abuse Victim Told Herself about Anger <a href="http://clicktotweet.com/xO8y5">Click to Tweet</a></span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit;">Are Christians Allowed to Get Angry? <a href="http://clicktotweet.com/bXf4k">Click to Tweet</a></span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Abuse Breeds Un-Biblical Beliefs about Anger <a href="http://clicktotweet.com/e70A9">Click to Tweet</a></span><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <h2 class="username"> <span class="url editable-group"><span class="profile-field"></span></span> </h2> <br /> <br /> <div style='clear: both;'></div> </div> <div class='post-footer'> <div class='post-footer-line post-footer-line-1'> <span class='post-author vcard'> Posted by <span class='fn' itemprop='author' itemscope='itemscope' itemtype='http://schema.org/Person'> <meta content='https://www.blogger.com/profile/00838074093892841482' itemprop='url'/> <a class='g-profile' href='https://www.blogger.com/profile/00838074093892841482' rel='author' title='author profile'> <span itemprop='name'>Tanya T. 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window.___gcfg = { 'lang': 'en' }; </script> </div><div class='widget Label' data-version='1' id='Label1'> <h2>Labels</h2> <div class='widget-content list-label-widget-content'> <ul> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Abuse%20recovery'>Abuse recovery</a> <span dir='ltr'>(13)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Action%20for%20Domestic%20Violence%20Issues'>Action for Domestic Violence Issues</a> <span dir='ltr'>(6)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Anger'>Anger</a> <span dir='ltr'>(4)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Author%20Interview'>Author Interview</a> <span dir='ltr'>(4)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Boundaries'>Boundaries</a> <span dir='ltr'>(15)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Coping'>Coping</a> <span dir='ltr'>(16)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Damage%20from%20Abuse'>Damage from Abuse</a> <span dir='ltr'>(24)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Devotional'>Devotional</a> <span dir='ltr'>(5)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Domestic%20Violence'>Domestic Violence</a> <span dir='ltr'>(44)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Domestic%20Violence%20Awareness%20Month'>Domestic Violence Awareness Month</a> <span dir='ltr'>(8)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Doormat%20Thinking'>Doormat Thinking</a> <span dir='ltr'>(17)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Emotional%20Abuse'>Emotional Abuse</a> <span dir='ltr'>(16)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Emotional%20Healing'>Emotional Healing</a> <span dir='ltr'>(43)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Forgiveness'>Forgiveness</a> <span dir='ltr'>(6)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/God%27s%20Healing'>God's Healing</a> <span dir='ltr'>(39)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/God%27s%20presence'>God's presence</a> <span dir='ltr'>(28)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Good%20Friday'>Good Friday</a> <span dir='ltr'>(1)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Healing%20Abuse'>Healing Abuse</a> <span dir='ltr'>(27)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Healing%20Process'>Healing Process</a> <span dir='ltr'>(57)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Healing%20tools'>Healing tools</a> <span dir='ltr'>(32)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Helping%20Children'>Helping Children</a> <span dir='ltr'>(16)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Hyper-vigilance'>Hyper-vigilance</a> <span dir='ltr'>(3)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Immanuel'>Immanuel</a> <span dir='ltr'>(1)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Incest'>Incest</a> <span dir='ltr'>(7)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Journaling'>Journaling</a> <span dir='ltr'>(5)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/New%20Life'>New Life</a> <span dir='ltr'>(30)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Perpetrators'>Perpetrators</a> <span dir='ltr'>(10)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Physical%20Abuse'>Physical Abuse</a> <span dir='ltr'>(10)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Poetry'>Poetry</a> <span dir='ltr'>(22)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Post%20Traumatic%20Stress%20Disorder'>Post Traumatic Stress Disorder</a> <span dir='ltr'>(6)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Powerless'>Powerless</a> <span dir='ltr'>(8)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Rape'>Rape</a> <span dir='ltr'>(6)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Recovery'>Recovery</a> <span dir='ltr'>(43)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Response%20to%20abuse'>Response to abuse</a> <span dir='ltr'>(38)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Restoration'>Restoration</a> <span dir='ltr'>(16)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Satanic%20Ritual%20Abuse'>Satanic Ritual Abuse</a> <span dir='ltr'>(2)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Self-care'>Self-care</a> <span dir='ltr'>(26)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Self-Esteem'>Self-Esteem</a> <span dir='ltr'>(11)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Sexual%20abuse'>Sexual abuse</a> <span dir='ltr'>(12)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Shame'>Shame</a> <span dir='ltr'>(19)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Trust'>Trust</a> <span dir='ltr'>(9)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Verbal%20Abuse'>Verbal Abuse</a> <span dir='ltr'>(9)</span> </li> <li> <a dir='ltr' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/search/label/Warning%20Signs'>Warning Signs</a> <span dir='ltr'>(17)</span> </li> </ul> <div class='clear'></div> <span class='widget-item-control'> <span class='item-control blog-admin'> <a class='quickedit' href='//www.blogger.com/rearrange?blogID=7986270693452382001&widgetType=Label&widgetId=Label1&action=editWidget§ionId=main' onclick='return _WidgetManager._PopupConfig(document.getElementById("Label1"));' target='configLabel1' title='Edit'> <img alt='' height='18' src='https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_wrench_allbkg.png' width='18'/> </a> </span> </span> <div class='clear'></div> </div> </div><div class='widget TextList' data-version='1' id='TextList1'> <h2>Recommended Books</h2> <div class='widget-content'> <ul> <li>10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing</li> <li>A Way of Hope by Leslie J. Barner</li> <li>Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom</li> <li>Battered But Not Broken by Patricia Riddle Gaddis</li> <li>Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend</li> <li>Bradshaw on the Family by John Bradshaw</li> <li>Caring Enough to Forgive/Not Forgive by David Augsburger</li> <li>Codependent No More by Melody Beattie</li> <li>Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allendar</li> <li>Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Woman by Marie M. Fortune</li> <li>Perfect Daughters by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.</li> <li>Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert L. Gravitz and Julie D. Bowden</li> <li>Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend</li> <li>Slay Your Own Dragons by Nancy Good</li> <li>The Cinderella Syndrome by Lee Ezell</li> <li>The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.</li> <li>The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee</li> <li>Turning Fear to Hope by Holly Wagner Green</li> <li>When Violence Comes Home: Help for Victims of Spouse Abuse by Tim Jackson and Jeff Olson</li> <li>Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft</li> </ul> <div class='clear'></div> <span class='widget-item-control'> <span class='item-control blog-admin'> <a class='quickedit' href='//www.blogger.com/rearrange?blogID=7986270693452382001&widgetType=TextList&widgetId=TextList1&action=editWidget§ionId=main' onclick='return _WidgetManager._PopupConfig(document.getElementById("TextList1"));' target='configTextList1' title='Edit'> <img alt='' height='18' src='https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_wrench_allbkg.png' width='18'/> </a> </span> </span> <div class='clear'></div> </div> </div></div> </div></div> <div id='sidebar-wrap'> <div id='sidebartop-wrap'><div id='sidebartop-wrap2'> <div class='sidebar section' id='sidebartop'><div class='widget Text' data-version='1' id='Text2'> <h2 class='title'>Web Safety Tips</h2> <div class='widget-content'> If you live with your abuser, be aware that he/she can trace your internet activity on your home computer. It would be safest to use a public library computer or a friend's computer.<br/><br/>When you leave comments on this site you can remain anonymous or use a new screen name.<br/> </div> <div class='clear'></div> <span class='widget-item-control'> <span class='item-control blog-admin'> <a class='quickedit' href='//www.blogger.com/rearrange?blogID=7986270693452382001&widgetType=Text&widgetId=Text2&action=editWidget§ionId=sidebartop' onclick='return _WidgetManager._PopupConfig(document.getElementById("Text2"));' target='configText2' title='Edit'> <img alt='' height='18' src='https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_wrench_allbkg.png' width='18'/> </a> </span> </span> <div class='clear'></div> </div><div class='widget Text' data-version='1' id='Text1'> <h2 class='title'>Welcome</h2> <div class='widget-content'> Being abused by another hurts deeply and creates many challenges. But you don't have to settle for merely being a survivor. You can become an overcomer with dazzling wings.<br/><br/>You might feel worthless--but you are not. You are valuable to the creator of the universe. A new life of freedom, peace, and joy awaits. Facing abuse, ending it, and healing from it is a huge journey that leaves behind hopelessness, embracing new life.<br/><br/>Just like myself and other abuse survivors, you can unfurl dazzling wings with the help of Jesus Christ.<br/><br/>This journey is possible. I've done it and so have other formerly abused women and men who have shared their stories with me. Come join us on a life-giving journey of change.<br/><br/><br/> </div> <div class='clear'></div> <span class='widget-item-control'> <span class='item-control blog-admin'> <a class='quickedit' href='//www.blogger.com/rearrange?blogID=7986270693452382001&widgetType=Text&widgetId=Text1&action=editWidget§ionId=sidebartop' onclick='return _WidgetManager._PopupConfig(document.getElementById("Text1"));' target='configText1' title='Edit'> <img alt='' height='18' src='https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_wrench_allbkg.png' width='18'/> </a> </span> </span> <div class='clear'></div> </div><div class='widget LinkList' data-version='1' id='LinkList1'> <h2>Helpful Resources</h2> <div class='widget-content'> <ul> <li><a href='http://www.focusministries1.org/'>Focus Ministries</a></li> <li><a href='http://www.ndvh.org/'>National Domestic Violence Hotline</a></li> <li><a href='http://www.peaceandsafety.com/'>Peace And Safety in the Christian Home</a></li> <li><a href='http://www.projectsafegirls.com/'>Project Safe Girls</a></li> <li><a href='http://www.rainn.org/'>Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network</a></li> <li><a href='http://www.thesilverbraid.org/'>The Silver Braid</a></li> <li><a href='http://timesupblog.blogspot.com/'>Times Up!</a></li> <li><a href='http://witnessjustice.org/'>Witness Justice: Help and Healing for Victims of Violence</a></li> </ul> <div class='clear'></div> <span class='widget-item-control'> <span class='item-control blog-admin'> <a class='quickedit' href='//www.blogger.com/rearrange?blogID=7986270693452382001&widgetType=LinkList&widgetId=LinkList1&action=editWidget§ionId=sidebartop' onclick='return _WidgetManager._PopupConfig(document.getElementById("LinkList1"));' target='configLinkList1' title='Edit'> <img alt='' height='18' src='https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_wrench_allbkg.png' width='18'/> </a> </span> </span> <div class='clear'></div> </div> </div></div> </div></div> <div id='sidebarbottom-wrap1'><div id='sidebarbottom-wrap2'> <div class='sidebar section' id='sidebar'><div class='widget HTML' data-version='1' id='HTML3'> <h2 class='title'>Email Subscriptions powered by FeedBlitz</h2> <div class='widget-content'> <form id="feedblitz" action="http://www.feedblitz.com/f/f.fbz?Track" name="feedblitz" method="POST"><p>Your email address:<br/><input maxlength="255" value="" name="EMAIL" size="20" type="text"/><br/><input value="" name="FEEDID" type="hidden"/><input value="9715266" name="PUBLISHER" type="hidden"/><input value="Get email updates" type="submit"/><br/>Powered by <a href="http://www.feedblitz.com">FeedBlitz</a></p></form><script language="javascript" src="http://www.feedblitz.com/js/typepad-widget.js"></script> </div> <div class='clear'></div> <span class='widget-item-control'> <span class='item-control blog-admin'> <a class='quickedit' href='//www.blogger.com/rearrange?blogID=7986270693452382001&widgetType=HTML&widgetId=HTML3&action=editWidget§ionId=sidebar' onclick='return _WidgetManager._PopupConfig(document.getElementById("HTML3"));' target='configHTML3' title='Edit'> <img alt='' height='18' src='https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_wrench_allbkg.png' width='18'/> </a> </span> </span> <div class='clear'></div> </div><div class='widget Profile' data-version='1' id='Profile1'> <h2>About Me</h2> <div class='widget-content'> <a href='https://www.blogger.com/profile/00838074093892841482'><img alt='My photo' class='profile-img' height='80' src='//2.bp.blogspot.com/-1lvadyEF37E/UbDC9iVpRnI/AAAAAAAAAto/uYkqxurM8cQ/s80/3.jpg' width='62'/></a> <dl class='profile-datablock'> <dt class='profile-data'> <a class='profile-name-link g-profile' href='https://www.blogger.com/profile/00838074093892841482' rel='author' style='background-image: url(//www.blogger.com/img/logo-16.png);'> Tanya T. Warrington </a> </dt> <dd class='profile-data'>Masonville, CO, United States</dd> <dd class='profile-textblock'>For thirty-five years, I felt worthless. It seemed like I wore a sign across my chest inviting others to abuse me. Unfortunately, I had an abundance of personal experience with being a victim of domestic violence, incest, emotional abuse, physical abuse, date rape, verbal abuse, and spiritual abuse. And then I experienced being the mother and stepmother of children who were assaulted by a pedophile.I felt like a cursed woman. Since multiple people felt comfortable assualting me and then my children I assumed that there was something wrong with me. I had let me myself down in some unknown, mysterious way. What if God let me down, too? One day, in desperation, I prayed asking God to end the abuse. God heard. He rescued me. He continues to heal me. His kindness, grace, and mercy far exceed anything I could’ve imagined or hoped for. He has given me dazzling wings to soar above the pain of past abuse, spreading His message of hope: God does not approve of violence in any of its manifestations. He rescues those who cry out to Him. He heals the wounded.</dd> </dl> <a class='profile-link' href='https://www.blogger.com/profile/00838074093892841482' rel='author'>View my complete profile</a> <div class='clear'></div> <span class='widget-item-control'> <span class='item-control blog-admin'> <a class='quickedit' href='//www.blogger.com/rearrange?blogID=7986270693452382001&widgetType=Profile&widgetId=Profile1&action=editWidget§ionId=sidebar' onclick='return _WidgetManager._PopupConfig(document.getElementById("Profile1"));' target='configProfile1' title='Edit'> <img alt='' height='18' src='https://resources.blogblog.com/img/icon18_wrench_allbkg.png' width='18'/> </a> </span> </span> <div class='clear'></div> </div> </div><div class='widget BlogArchive' data-version='1' id='BlogArchive1'> <h2>Blog Archive</h2> <div class='widget-content'> <div id='ArchiveList'> <div id='BlogArchive1_ArchiveList'> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2014/'> 2014 </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(1)</span> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2014/01/'> January </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(1)</span> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate expanded'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy toggle-open'> ▼  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/'> 2013 </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(21)</span> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/12/'> December </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(1)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/11/'> November </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(3)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate expanded'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy toggle-open'> ▼  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/10/'> October </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(3)</span> <ul class='posts'> <li><a href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/10/liies-i-told-myself-part-3my-job-to.html'>Liies I Told Myself (Part 3)_My Job to Heal and Fi...</a></li> <li><a href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/10/lies-believed-part-2-criticism-meant-i.html'>Lies I Believed (Part 2)--Criticism Meant I Had Fa...</a></li> <li><a href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/10/lies-i-believed-part-1-anger-is-always.html'>Lies I Believed (Part 1): Anger is always Bad</a></li> </ul> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/06/'> June </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(4)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/05/'> May </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(3)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/04/'> April </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(3)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/02/'> February </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(3)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2013/01/'> January </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(1)</span> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2012/'> 2012 </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(10)</span> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2012/12/'> December </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(1)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2012/10/'> October </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(2)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2012/09/'> September </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(1)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2012/08/'> August </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(4)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2012/07/'> July </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(2)</span> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2010/'> 2010 </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(11)</span> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2010/05/'> May </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(1)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2010/04/'> April </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(1)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2010/03/'> March </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(3)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2010/02/'> February </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(2)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2010/01/'> January </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(4)</span> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/'> 2009 </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(63)</span> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/12/'> December </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(4)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/11/'> November </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(7)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/10/'> October </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(13)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/09/'> September </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(6)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/08/'> August </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(1)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/06/'> June </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(4)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/05/'> May </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(8)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/04/'> April </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(17)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2009/03/'> March </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(3)</span> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2008/'> 2008 </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(71)</span> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2008/10/'> October </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(3)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2008/09/'> September </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(11)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2008/08/'> August </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(3)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2008/07/'> July </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(6)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2008/06/'> June </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(10)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2008/05/'> May </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(11)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2008/04/'> April </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(11)</span> </li> </ul> <ul class='hierarchy'> <li class='archivedate collapsed'> <a class='toggle' href='javascript:void(0)'> <span class='zippy'> ►  </span> </a> <a class='post-count-link' href='http://dazzlingwings.blogspot.com/2008/03/'> March </a> <span class='post-count' dir='ltr'>(16)</span> </li> </ul> </li> </ul> </div> </div> <div class='clear'></div> <span class='widget-item-control'> <span class='item-control blog-admin'> <a class='quickedit' href='//www.blogger.com/rearrange?blogID=7986270693452382001&widgetType=BlogArchive&widgetId=BlogArchive1&action=editWidget§ionId=sidebar' onclick='return _WidgetManager._PopupConfig(document.getElementById("BlogArchive1"));' 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