Monday, May 20, 2013

Love Wasn't Enough

We loved each other
I loved who he seemed to be
Thinking he just needed my help
to heal his old hurts

I saw love as a cocoon
He was a prince who lacked confidence
A young man who'd had bad luck
A person with lots of potential

I saw myself as a gentle love
Whose acceptance would unlock treasures
I caught glimpses of buried under layers
of what he did--but he surely didn't intend

I believed our love would be enough
to carry us through any marital difficulties
raising him above self-destructiveness
and strengthening me to carry us both

I married without understanding
who he really was
I didn't see his attitudes
Yes, he wanted me--to own and control

I wanted to help him--
He wanted me to fear him;
I couldn't help him become the prince
Whom I thought was hidden in the beast


Dianne E. Butts said...

Wow. Beautiful honesty, Tanya.

I am amazed at how many women I meet who want to marry somebody and then change them -- change them into the "prince" they want them to be. This doesn't work.

Wake up, young women! Whatever we already are, we will become that all more after marriage. That's the reality of it.

Even if you have a "good" man/woman (not an abusive one), it is not fair to have your intents on changing him or her. We each want to be loved for who we are. Wanting only to change the other person show contempt for who they are, not love. I hope that makes sense.

Tanya T. Warrington said...

Hi Dianne,

Thank you for leaving a comment. What you wrote is so true. We can't change anyone. As a kid I loved the tale of Beauty and the Beast. But my understanding of it mislead me. In the real world beasts aren't princes trapped in disguise. (And real good men are imperfect but they aren't hidden under layers of disrespectful or abusive behavior.)

Love isn't supposed to be a game of hide and seek. We should be free to be ourself and our spouse should also be free to do the same. The character of a boyfriend or girlfriend will be revealed by how closely his/her words and actions match. Do you see Godly behavior in action? Does this other person's life show evidence of good fruit or of bad fruit?

Feelings of love need to be balanced by caution, patient observation and prudence.


Good luck

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