Recovery from Abuse

Rescues a life
from endless suffering
but requires facing the pain
as it moves along slowly

Releases us from
shame's heavy burdens
and clears the way for
new choices

Restores dignity
renews faith
brings hope
for better tomorrows
 

Myths I Told Myself

I told myself myths to try to make sense out of my confusing marriage. I didn't recognize the role of myth-telling in supporting my denial.

I told myself:

• My spouse really does love me
• I must have heard him incorrectly
• I must be misunderstanding him
• Since we love each other, everything will work out
• He tells me the truth about myself
• He tells me the truth about himself
• He doesn't mean what he just said
• He would never do that thing he just threatened
• He just needs lots of my love to shore up his insecurity
• My love and God's love will change him
• He didn't mean to hurt me
• He won't do this ever again
• His tears mean that things are going to change for the better
• His tears mean that he really does care and wants to do better
• When things don't add up, it's because I'm stupid
• When he is in a better job environment, he will start be less angry
• If I would be more perfect, he wouldn't need to be angry with me
• If I forgive him, he will have the courage to stop exploding
• He just has an anger issue
• Good wives hang in their no matter how miserable a marriage is
• I just need to focus on his good qualities
• He's trying to do better
• It can't be abuse

It was abuse. His love wasn't healthy. And all my wishful thinking made no difference at all. Facing the truth is what changed my life for the better. When I stepped out of denial, I was able to make new choices and free myself and my children from the abuser.