Saturday, October 10, 2009

Mind Control

Mind Control

I was cold;
You said I was not.
I was frightened;
You said I couldn't be.
I was angry;
You said I must be tired.

My emotions had no room,
No floor.
They were wrong,
Always wrong

I learned to doubt myself,
to assume I must be mistaken.
Feelings were wrong and so were banished,
Shoved into an invisible box, hidden deep inside

I walked in numbness
Wasting years
Before God awakened me,
Helping me to new life

But learning to trust myself
is a slow journey,
believing in myself a lofty pinnacle,
accepting what my senses tell me,
another slow lesson

I walk in life,
trying and failing,
experiencing and shutting down,
rejoicing at freedom,
chaffing at old habits,
and fighting old thoughts

You, you'd say I was crazy
that I made up my past,
But I know better now.
You're in denial and I won't join you--
Not any more,
Not ever again!

8 comments:

Jan Parrish said...

Beautiful.

Joan C. Webb said...

Wow. I have few words in response just now. Yet I think many women can identify with this. Seems so from my experiences with Life Coaching & LifePlanning and speaking at retreats. And I get it, too. Thanks for sharing the poem.

Tanya T. Warrington said...

Thank you, Jan and Joan, for leaving comments. It encourages me to keep risking putting my personal journey on the blog. I want to help others along on their own journeys of recovery and healing.

Tanya T. Warrington said...

Thank you, Jan. It is sad how many have been raised by controlling parents or suffer under a controlling spouse. But healing is possible!

Michelle said...

Hi. My name is Michelle. I've been reading some of your old posts and see so much of my thoughts here. I'm going to post this poem on my site...but wanted you to know. Of course, full credit will go to you. If this is a problem, please let me know.

Thank you for saying what I've been thinking.

www.considerjesus.wordpress.com

ricbooth said...

My friend Michelle pointed at the poem of yours. I must say, very poserful. Poignant. Each stanza makes (im)perfect sense to me. unfortunately.

Tanya T. Warrington said...

Michelle,

Thanks for your comments and about letting me know that you were going to publish "Mind Control" on your blog. It is an honor. :)

Sorry it took so long to respond, I've been ill the past two years and reached a point where I couldn't keep posting. But I am doing way better again and look forward to returning to posting.

It is amazing how unique each specific abuse situation is and yet the feelings and thoughts are so similar. God bless you!

Tanya T. Warrington said...

ricbooth,

It is unfortunate that so many know what abuse is about from the inside. I wish that no one had ever experienced abuse.

God bless your day and your journey of healing.

Recommended Books

  • 10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing
  • A Way of Hope by Leslie J. Barner
  • Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom
  • Battered But Not Broken by Patricia Riddle Gaddis
  • Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Bradshaw on the Family by John Bradshaw
  • Caring Enough to Forgive/Not Forgive by David Augsburger
  • Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
  • Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allendar
  • Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Woman by Marie M. Fortune
  • Perfect Daughters by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.
  • Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert L. Gravitz and Julie D. Bowden
  • Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Slay Your Own Dragons by Nancy Good
  • The Cinderella Syndrome by Lee Ezell
  • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.
  • The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee
  • Turning Fear to Hope by Holly Wagner Green
  • When Violence Comes Home: Help for Victims of Spouse Abuse by Tim Jackson and Jeff Olson
  • Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft