Healing Formula

Beliefs lead to Emotion which lead to Behaviors

Many counselors teach that beliefs shape our emotional responses and our emotions then drive our behavior. When abuse occurs, however, it shuts down easy access to internal information about feelings and beliefs. It is a survival mechanism to help one survive overwhelming trauma. A major key to healing is to begin noticing how we behave, name our feelings and identify our beliefs that are driving us. New beliefs can be chosen and that in turn will change our feelings and our behavior choices.

I believe each human being has her/his own unique combination of responses to abuse. Certain universal patterns of victim behavior have been identified by psychologists but exactly how your thinking has been shaped by abuse incidents has individual personality wrapped up along with it. For maximum healing, you need to be willing to do detective work within yourself to figure out what you believed when you were abused.

To give you an idea of how complex it can be, here is a chart I’ve put together to show just a few typical victim behaviors and possible beliefs:

Belief	Distrusts	Other Feelings	Current Behavior
Everyone is dangerous.	Others	Fear	Dresses in loose, baggy clothing and picks an ugly hairstyle.
Everyone is dangerous.	Others	Anger	Is suspicious and frequently gets in fights.
Everyone is dangerous.	Others	Numbness	Withdraws from “real life” with depression or compulsive behaviors
The abuse is my fault. I was too attractive.	Self	Fear	Keep extra weight on to hide beauty.
The abuse is my fault. I wanted to be loved.	Self	Anger	Dress provocatively or flirt incessantly.
The abuse is my fault. I wanted to be loved.	Self	Anger	Refuse to love anymore.
The abuse is my fault. I was too weak.	Self	Fear	Obsessive with weight lifting.
I will never be a victim again.	Others	Fear & Anger	Earn black belt
I will never be a victim again.	Others	Fear & Anger	Become cold and prickly around others.
I am bad.	Self	Worthlessness	Abuse self with addictions or self-injury
I cannot deal with the pain.	Self	Fear	Become mentally ill.
I cannot deal with the pain.	Self	Fear	Become alcoholic.
I cannot deal with the pain.	Self	Fear	Become a workaholic.

Healing begins in earnest when we can truthfully examine ourselves. How we felt or what we believed at the time of the abuse does not need to remain fixed. By changing what we believe, we can change how we feel about the abuse in the present and how we will behave in the future: Changed Beliefs leads to New Feelings which leads to Healthier Behavior.