Thursday, June 12, 2008

Boundaries (Part 2)

I love the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere. The heroine has boundary issues that are ruining her life but she grows in boundary keeping before the movie is over. She is the child of an alcoholic. She has tried to get married multiple times but each time runs away when it is time to walk down the aisle. The hero of the story challenges her that she doesn't know who she is and what she wants--to the point that she eats her eggs, however, her current beau eats eggs. I love it when toward the end of the movie, she takes the time to really get to know herself, including tasting eggs cooked a bunch of different ways and deciding her culinary preferences. She, at last, gains functional boundaries and starts changing her life, using her talents to begin a new business, building a better friendship with her best friend, and proposing marriage to the man she truly loves. The process the movie reveals is truthful, how quickly the changes take place is Hollywood magic.

Last night, I was rereading a chapter in Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. My husband saw what I was reading and looked over my shoulder at the pages full of underlining, stars, and notes in the margins. "How many times have you read that book? You must have it memorized," he said.

I don't think I do yet. But he's right. I've read it more than a couple of times. The wise explanations and counsel in the book are relationship gold for me. As a former abuse victim, I have had to work hard to develop boundaries that function properly and I need tune-ups periodically. My natural instincts when I am under stress still return to old ways sometimes. It is irritating when I say yes to someone out of peacemaking or people pleasing. I like it much better when I operate within healthy boundaries--life is simpler and less stressful when I honor who I am and what I need and want.

God is the one fashioned our personalities, temperments, talents, limitations, and interests. We honor Him when we are ourselves.

So think about it today. How do you like your eggs? Who are you? Who is supportive and honest in your life? Are there any things, situations, or people you need to say "no" to in order to be true to yourself? Are there good things you could say "yes" to that would bless yourself and others? Are you honestly sharing yourself with others, or faking it on the outside and paying with negative emotions stuffed on the inside? Are your relationships intimate and real? Are you being who you long to be?


Skyraven said...


I love what you're doing with this site. :) Boundaries was required reading for two of my courses last summer and I loved it. I'm glad you're enjoying and learning from it. Have you looked at the other books in the series? You should check them out as well.


Tanya T. Warrington said...

I agree. The other books in the series are a blessing as well.

Recommended Books

  • 10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing
  • A Way of Hope by Leslie J. Barner
  • Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom
  • Battered But Not Broken by Patricia Riddle Gaddis
  • Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Bradshaw on the Family by John Bradshaw
  • Caring Enough to Forgive/Not Forgive by David Augsburger
  • Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
  • Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allendar
  • Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Woman by Marie M. Fortune
  • Perfect Daughters by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.
  • Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert L. Gravitz and Julie D. Bowden
  • Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Slay Your Own Dragons by Nancy Good
  • The Cinderella Syndrome by Lee Ezell
  • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.
  • The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee
  • Turning Fear to Hope by Holly Wagner Green
  • When Violence Comes Home: Help for Victims of Spouse Abuse by Tim Jackson and Jeff Olson
  • Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft